Using Mindfulness in Giving and Receiving Feedback: Cultivating Constructive Communication Habits

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This article is written in response to a real-life lesson I have run into on social media and in response to what I have observed and mindfully incorporated into my own repertoire of proactive practices. We all slip up! Afterall, we are all at risk of nervous system and emotion dysregulation as humans — even those who teach and write about neurobiology.

It is my hope that if you are reading this, you’ll find this helpful for your own practice of communicating with others — especially on social media and in email where it can be all too easy to pop off something that is reactive and missing the element of mindfulness whether on the sending or receiving end.

Feedback is a fundamental component of personal and professional growth. It serves as a catalyst for improvement, yet the delivery and reception of feedback can often be a sensitive and delicate process.

Mindfulness-based practices offer a profound framework for approaching feedback, especially criticism, within relationships.

These practices emphasize empathy, awareness, and a non-judgmental attitude, fostering a culture of constructive communication.

Mindfulness involves being fully present and aware of one’s thoughts, emotions, and actions, without judgment. Applying mindfulness in the context of giving and receiving feedback can revolutionize the way we interact, transforming potentially challenging conversations into opportunities for growth and understanding.

When it comes to offering feedback, particularly criticism, the key is to maintain a mindful approach. It’s crucial to recognize that the goal of feedback should never be to attack or belittle someone. And sometimes, even if that is nowhere near the goal, it can happen without mindful awareness in writing or forming what it is we want to say.

The feedback is best aimed at encouraging personal and professional development, not tearing someone down.

Mindful feedback necessitates focusing on behaviors or actions, not on the individual’s character or personality. Even this is ideally handled carefully because attacking behavior can feel like an attack on a person’s character or personality, as well. A mindful approach helps ensure that the feedback is constructive rather than destructive.

Moreover, mindfulness urges the feedback giver to examine their intentions. It’s vital not to conceal one’s genuine thoughts behind a veil of theoretical knowledge or expertise, only to manipulate or cause harm. The intent behind the feedback is most effective if worded so as to assist and support the person in their growth journey, not to prove one’s superiority or dominance.

Practicing mindfulness allows the feedback giver to cultivate genuine empathy and compassion while delivering feedback, creating a safe space for dialogue and growth.

Simultaneously, being mindful while receiving feedback is equally essential. It involves being open and receptive, without immediately reacting defensively or feeling attacked.

Mindfulness teaches us to listen actively, acknowledging our emotions and thoughts without letting them cloud our understanding. This kind of presence enables us to focus on the content of the feedback, rather than interpreting it as a personal attack.

Mindfulness-based practices emphasize the importance of self-awareness.

This awareness allows individuals to recognize their triggers and emotional responses when receiving criticism. Being mindful enables one to take a step back, observe these emotions without reacting impulsively, and then respond thoughtfully, contributing to a healthier exchange of feedback.

One of the foundational aspects of a mindful approach to feedback is the idea of cultivating a growth mindset. Feedback, especially constructive criticism, ideally can be viewed as an opportunity for learning and improvement, rather than a judgment on one’s abilities. A growth mindset fosters resilience, encouraging individuals to embrace challenges and see setbacks as stepping stones toward progress.

Mindfulness also promotes the concept of “non-violent communication.”

This technique emphasizes expressing oneself without blaming or criticizing others, encouraging mutual understanding and respect in communication. By using language that is non-judgmental and descriptive rather than accusatory, individuals can deliver feedback in a way that promotes understanding and cooperation.

Mindfulness is a powerful practice that can significantly impact how feedback, especially on social media, is delivered and received.

Here are some practical tools and tips to ensure mindfulness before offering feedback in the realm of social media:

1. Pause and Reflect: Before typing out a response, take a moment to pause. Allow yourself to reflect on your intentions and the potential impact of your words. Mindfully consider whether the feedback is necessary, helpful, and how it might be perceived by others.
2. Empathetic Perspective: Cultivate empathy by putting yourself in the shoes of the person you’re engaging with. Consider their feelings, circumstances, and possible interpretations of your feedback. Mindfulness encourages understanding and compassion in communication.
3. Awareness of Emotions: Be mindful of your emotional state before engaging in giving feedback. If you notice heightened emotions, take a step back. Recognize and acknowledge your feelings before responding. Mindful awareness helps prevent impulsive or reactive behavior.
4. Non-Judgmental Language: Mindful feedback involves using non-judgmental language. Focus on the specific behavior or action rather than making sweeping generalizations or personal attacks. Avoid using accusatory or inflammatory language that may escalate tensions.
5. Consider the Context: Mindfulness urges us to be aware of the context in which the interaction is taking place. Different social media platforms have their own norms and cultures. Take into account the platform, the ongoing conversation, and the audience before providing feedback.
6. Practice Active Listening: If engaging in a conversation thread, practice mindful listening. Take the time to read and understand the other person’s viewpoint before responding. Engage with their ideas or concerns thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively.
7. Breathe and Center Yourself: If you find yourself getting agitated or emotionally charged during an online conversation, practice mindful breathing. Take deep breaths to center yourself, calm your mind, and regain focus before crafting a response.
8. Feedback Constructively: Mindful feedback should aim to be constructive and supportive. Offer suggestions, alternatives, or further information that could help the person understand or improve without demeaning them.
9. Reflect on Impact: Mindfulness involves reflecting on the potential impact of your feedback. Consider how your words might affect not just the individual you’re responding to but also the wider audience. Aim for a positive and growth-oriented impact.
10. Know When to Disengage: Mindfulness includes recognizing when a conversation might not be productive. If the interaction becomes hostile or unproductive, it might be best to disengage respectfully. Sometimes silence or a polite exit can be the most mindful response.

Remember, practicing mindfulness before offering feedback on social media involves being present, self-aware, and empathetic. By incorporating these mindful practices, you can foster more constructive and respectful communication in the online sphere.

Integrating mindfulness-based practices into the process of giving and receiving feedback within relationships offers a transformative approach. It emphasizes the importance of empathy, intention, and self-awareness while promoting a growth-oriented and non-judgmental communication style. By cultivating mindfulness in feedback exchanges, individuals can create an environment conducive to personal and professional development, fostering healthier, more constructive relationships.

About the Author: Lynn Louise Wonders has over 30 years of experience teaching mindfulness-based classes as an instructor of meditation, yoga, tai chi, qi gong, and over 20 years as a mental health professional providing counseling to children, families, couples, and adults with expertise in human development and relationships. She has been providing continuing education, supervision, consultation, and professional mentoring for mental health professionals since 2010. Ms. Wonders is a certified yoga and meditation instructor, certified Synergetic Play Therapist, a certified AutPlay Therapist, and a certified Pure Presence™ Practitioner. She is a Gottman Institute-trained relationship therapist as well. Ms. Wonders is the published author of numerous books, chapters, and professional articles and has co-edited two academic books that support child and family mental health professionals. www.WondersCounseling.com