The Self-care of Letting Go, Knowing You’ve Done All You Can

Whether it’s a personal relationship, a work-related challenge, or some other situation, you get to a point when you realize how deeply invested you’ve been, how much care, concern, time and energy you have poured into this and see that there is nothing more you can do.

It may be time to just…. let…. go…

The process of truly letting go is not just walking away from something or someone only to turn around and return to keep working on it. That’s taking a break to recalibrate.

True letting go is when you see clearly that you’ve given it your all and there is nothing left to do. True letting go is not an angry slam of the door as you storm out. . .

True letting go is releasing your grip.

True letting go is when you turn the pitcher from which you have been pouring and pouring up-right and stop the flow. You’ve poured enough.

True letting go is knowing that you’ve planted lots of seeds and you’ve nurtured the soil, realizing it is time to let go and allow nature to take its course.

“The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit.” ―Nelson Henderson

True letting go is deep surrender.

The notion of surrender gets a bad wrap. It’s often equated with quitting, seen as weakness, as failure. To be able see things for what they are, accept and surrender to the reality of the situation actually frees us up to discern what the next best step may be. That next step may be to rest and retreat. That next step may be to pivot in a new direction.

I’ll be the first one to encourage persistence and fighting for what matters most. But sometimes we neglect our own mental health fighting for something that is not ours to have or ours to see come into fruition. Sometimes when we push for change, we inhibit the seeds we’ve planted from sprouting in right time. As a wise spiritual teacher once said, “You plant the seeds but then you stand over the ground shouting at them to hurry up and grow. This is a waste of your breath, time and energy.”

When we continue to pour our care, concern, time and energy into someone or some situation, we may need to trust that we have done our best and allow time and nature to take the baton.

Letting go is an inside job.

Yes, it will show up as a shift in the flow of energy between you and the other person or situation. Yes, there will be a notable withdrawal of the time, space and attention you have been giving. But that true letting go is something you experience in your own mind, heart and in your field of being.

Imagine you’re gripping tightly to a balloon on a string. (Let’s imagine this balloon is made of a quickly bio-degradable material that will immediately transform into nourishment for the soil or animals as soon as it finally lands back on Earth).

You are gripping this string to keep this balloon from flying away. You hold onto this balloon because you know if it just stays here long enough you’ll be able to help it grow and transform in time. You want to see this balloon become all it can be right here in this space.

But this balloon wants to journey and it keeps lifting with the air current, pulling that string taught.

You find that you are fighting to hold onto this balloon and the more you do, the more it pulls away.

So, you decide it’s time to let it go.

You release your grip and you watch it float away. Your hand is now free from gripping. It will journey on.

This is the self-care of letting go. Knowing when you’ve done all you can and realizing that further gripping is not helping you nor the other person or situation.

It’s also a form of self-care to realize that the seeds you have planted have great value even though they may not sprout and grow into visible blossoms for years to come. You may never see or know the good that will bloom from the seeds you planted.

When we keep gripping and pouring our care, concern, time and energy into someone or some situation to the point of fatigue and depletion, this is no longer healthy for us or for the other person or situation. It’s important to ask yourself, “Is it time to just… let… go…?”